Children run alongside and taunt you, because you’re old, but you don’t care, because your hearing is shot!
Your hair falls out, but you can’t tell, because your eyesight is shot. You brush your bald head with a stiff bristle brush, but you can’t feel it, because the nerves in your scalp are all shot!
A rattlesnake bites you on the leg, but the poison doesn’t go to your heart, because your veins are all shot!
You have a dream that your eyesight is perfect and your hearing is perfect, but when you wake up you can’t remember it, because your memory is shot!
You get out your old mug shot and laugh at how much younger you look than in your recent mug shot!
Your bones turn brittle, and you develop a craving for peanut brittle. But you can’t eat it, because your teeth are all shot!
You take your dog Schatzi in to get her shots, but she howls the whole way, because it’s a rough road and your shock absorbers are shot!
At a wedding reception, you get up and dance with the young people, because your sense of dignity is shot!
You got your knees replaced ten years ago, but now the replacements are shot!
You go to a track meet, but you get confused and wander into the shot-put event, where you’re hit in the back by the flying shot. At the hospital, the doctor tells you your back is broken, but you ask how the shot is, because your brain is shot!
You try to buy a shotgun, to threaten your friend Don, but you can’t, because it turns out you’re a felon, whatever that is. The clerk also says your credit is shot!
You wet your pants, because, oh, why not?
You suddenly start slurring your words, and you think you’re having a stroke. But then you’re relieved when you realize that it was just the six shots of vodka you had!
Your balance is shot, and you fall over a lot. People say to give Tai Chi a shot, but you don’t, because your desire to try anything new is shot!
You decide to give it one last shot, but what was it again? ♦
