Skip to main content
The New Yorker
  • Newsletter
Search
Search
  • The Latest
  • News
  • Books & Culture
  • Fiction & Poetry
  • Humor & Cartoons
  • Magazine
  • Puzzles & Games
  • Video
  • Podcasts
  • Goings On
  • Shop
  • 100th Anniversary
The New Yorker
Shouts & Murmurs

Why I’m Actually Inviting You to My Party

This won’t be fun, but it will be expensive.
By Jennie Egerdie, Johnathan Appel, and Jesse Shamon
August 14, 2025

More Humor and Cartoons

  • My cool boyfriend became a dud husband.

  • Here’s why I am a proud Godzilla supporter.

  • Dishwasher-loading techniques throughout history.

  • Interior monologues from the twenty-four minutes my phone was dead.

  • Now that I’m getting older, I forget things.

  • New York vs. non-New York real-estate options.

Enter the Cartoon Caption Contest for a chance to appear in the magazine.

Follow @newyorkercartoons on Instagram and sign up for the Daily Humor newsletter for more funny stuff.

Jennie Egerdie has contributed humor to The New Yorker since 2023. She is the author of “Frog and Toad Are Doing Their Best” and “Oh, Bother,” selected by Vulture as one of the Best Comedy Books of 2024.
Johnathan Appel is an Emmy- and Peabody Award-winning writer and comedian. He has contributed humor to the New Yorker since 2019.
Jesse Shamon, a graphic designer, an illustrator, and a writer, has contributed to McSweeney’s and Reductress.
Read More
Humor
The Worst City to Find Love Is Wherever You, Yes You, Live
Several factors were examined to determine that you are the epicenter of a phenomenon that swallows up the possibility of romantic love like a black hole sucking in light.
By Zoe Pearl
Shouts & Murmurs
Some Funny Things About Getting Old
Everything’s shot. Why not laugh about it?
By Jack Handey
Humor
Cover Letter for a Job I Don’t Want but Will Be Offended Not to Get
My résumé reflects a pattern of, let’s call it, erratic brilliance punctuated by long stretches of disillusionment, which I’ve cleverly framed as “consulting.”
By Greg Mania
Humor
Why I Left the City and Moved My Family Into an Inflatable Bounce House
Buy a house in this market? Do I look like a complete chucklehead?
By Danielle Kraese
Shouts & Murmurs
Date Ideas for Couples in Long-Term Relationships
Go about your normal evening, but with a candle lit.
By McKayley Gourley
Blitt’s Kvetchbook
Epstein Island Revealed
A not-so-fine mess.
By Barry Blitt
Shouts & Murmurs
“Emma” Unrated
In which Jane Austen’s Miss Emma Woodhouse is bestirred by “Jackass” ’s Mr. Knoxville upon his presentation of a “Fire-Hose Rodeo.”
By Ian Frazier
Humor
The Revised Laws of Robotics
A robot must not hurt another robot, outside of some sort of cool sporting event you can place bets on.
By Jay Martel
Blitt’s Kvetchbook
Showdown in the Oval
Donald keeps his eyes on the prize.
By Barry Blitt
Shouts & Murmurs
Skateboarding Into Middle Age
As I approach forty, I have fewer and fewer memories of being a child. It is enough that the body remembers.
By Navied Mahdavian
As Told To
A Mother and Her Trans Teen Decide to Leave the U.S.
A family in Maine moves away in response to President Donald Trump’s executive order aimed at restricting access to gender-affirming care for minors.
By Sam Wolson
Humor
Bonus Daily Cartoon: MATATIOTEFA
A drawing that riffs on the latest news and happenings.
By Adam Douglas Thompson
The New Yorker
The New Yorker

  • News
  • Books & Culture
  • Fiction & Poetry
  • Humor & Cartoons
  • Magazine
  • Crossword
  • Video
  • Podcasts
  • 100th Anniversary
  • Goings On

  • Manage Account
  • Shop The New Yorker
  • Buy Covers and Cartoons
  • Condé Nast Store
  • Digital Access
  • Newsletters
  • Jigsaw Puzzle
  • RSS
  • About
  • Careers
  • Contact
  • F.A.Q.
  • Media Kit
  • Press
  • Accessibility Help
  • User Agreement
  • Privacy Policy
  • Your California Privacy Rights

© 2025 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. The New Yorker may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices

  • Instagram
  • Tiktok
  • Threads
  • X
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube